What to Do When You're Feeling Unfulfilled in Your 9-5

If you take a scroll down your explore page on Instagram, it’s likely that you’ll come across some level of corporate humor. It is filled with content of millennials commiserating their lives in corporate America in a “we laugh to keep from crying” tone. It’s as if we’ve all silently agreed that we will continue to put ourselves through this pain for the sake of making a decent living.

Now I’ll be the first to admit, I love this corner of the internet. I love watching a 12 second video and instantly being able to feel connection and relief in knowing that I’m not the only one who goes through this. 

I’m not the only person who’s boss is a micromanager. I’m not the only one who can’t seem to get anything done during their workday. I’m not the only one who’s over the meetings that could have been an email. 

This corner of the internet makes me feel seen (in both senses of the word) and it gives me an outlet to laugh at my corporate situation.

While I love this corner of the internet, I can’t help but think “Are we all really just going to continue hating our jobs?” “Are we going to settle for doing work that doesn’t fulfill us? Work that makes us question why we even went to college? Work that in most cases hardly presents a return on the investment made by taking out student loans?”

Now, stay with me - this isn’t a post about quitting your job and living your passion. That’s simply not an option for many of us. If you dream of generating your own income on your own terms, but you know you need to keep your 9-5 because, a girl’s gotta eat, this post is for you. This post is about how you deal with working a job that does not bring you fulfillment.

Here’s the deal, it is human nature to want to feel significance. It is a human need. We are wired to seek out activities that give us a feeling of significance and importance. The problem is that most of us are looking for this sense of fulfillment in our 9-5 job. 

In order to keep your sanity, you need to start looking at your 9-5 for exactly what it is: a means to an end.

Your 9-5 pays your bills and puts food on the table. It does not have to be any more than that. 

The reason why you have a feeling of resentment, suffocation and disappointment surrounding your full time job is because of the thoughts you have around your job.

You think that because you went to college, got the degree (or two), and landed a job in your field -  that means you should feel fulfilled. You’ve attached your purpose and significance to your 9-5. 

So when you work your tail off, put in over time, work on the weekend, raise your hand to help on a project that is outside of your job description - you expect that activity to add to your significance. 

This leads to a rude awakening when it’s time for performance reviews and promotions and your boss sticks you with maybe a 3% raise, more responsibility and no promotion. We have to learn to detach our value from our productivity.

You do not have to burn the candle from both ends to be deserving of getting paid more. Unlearn that. If you’ve invested in your education, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a return on your investment by way of your salary.

Ok - so go get your money honey. But the point of the post is to help you deal with unfulfillment in your 9-5.

What if I told you that the way you think about your 9-5 is the reason that you are producing the feeling of unfulfillment?

I am going to ask you a few questions. I encourage you to grab a pen and some paper. This exercise is designed to get you to observe your thoughts and feelings around your full time job. 

Ultimately, I want you to see how your thoughts are creating feelings and those feelings are directly related to your actions and those actions create the results that you see in your life. Now, I didn’t make this up. These questions are inspired by the model, a concept taught by Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School. I learned about this model through my business coach, Kristen Boss.

Take a deep breath and commit to completing this exercise to the best of your ability. There is no wrong answer - I’m not grading you at the end of this blog post.

Question 1: What comes to mind when I think about my 9-5?

Question 2: When you’re feeling resentment, underappreciated, and disappointed - how do you show up in the daily activities of your full time job? Your work relationships?

Question 3: How often do these thoughts and feelings lead to unhappiness at work?

Question 4: What result have you created by choosing the above thoughts and feelings around your job?

If you’ve done the work, you should have a clear picture around how your thoughts and expectations for your 9-5 are leading to a feeling of unfulfillment and discontentment.

The good news is that we have the capacity to choose our thoughts. So let’s try it.

Question 1: If you were to feel valued, grateful and secure in your full time job, how would you show up?

Question 2: How would that show up in your work relationships?

Question 3: How would that change the way you experience your 9-5?

Question 4: What thoughts do you need  to have around your 9-5 in order to generate feelings of gratitude, value and security?

The bottom line

The feeling of unfulfillment stems from your thoughts around your job. You feel unfulfilled because you think that your feeling of significance should come from your job. I want to encourage you to sit with your thoughts and work to identify useful thoughts that will generate powerful feelings that lead you to intentional action in your 9-5. 

You’re probably wondering, “Well - if I’m not feeling fulfillment in my 9-5, then where do I get my fulfillment from?” Slow your roll. I am working on a series where I’ll help you identify your values and generate fulfillment and significance in other areas of your life by leveraging your values to impact other people. Stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, if you enjoyed this post snap a screenshot and share it with your network. Be sure to tag me so I can see it.

Love you big my friend!