So I used to have a big comparison problem. In anything I did, I set out to be like someone else. Whether it was my style, my athletic endeavors, school, anything… I was always trying to be like someone else. I would always get frustrated when the dress didn’t look as good on me or my hair didn’t fall like hers. I hated not being able to do things just like the person that I viewed as successful. 

I ended up being miserable and having a negative view about my capabilities because I was always trying to live up to what someone else was doing. I’ve since seen the light and avoid comparing at all costs, I’m just trying to run my own race and go after my goals. Let’s chat about the comparison trap and why you need to avoid it at all costs.

Comparison is the thief of joy. This is a tried and true quote that has become more popular especially with the prevalence of social media. I find that when I compare myself to others, I am left feeling uninspired and inadequate. It’s obvious why, I am comparing my unique self and what I produce to another unique human and what they produce. I can’t possibly feel adequate because we are working with different talents, personalities, styles, different everything really.

I always love hearing about older generations’ path to success. It’s the “built in the garage” mentality. When you think about Jeff Bezos or Walt Disney building something in their garage, you envision someone hunched over their work trying time and time again to make their vision, their dream, a reality. They weren’t going out of their way to see what other people were doing, they were focused on their vision.

Even Paul (the Apostle)  knew that comparison was detrimental to success. Check out this verse:

“Pay careful attention to your own work, then you will get satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else” Galatians 6:4 NLT

Pay attention to your own work, THEN you will get satisfaction of a job well done. If you’re feeling dissatisfaction in what you’re producing, it is likely directly related to the fact that you’re paying attention to the wrong thing. Do yourself a favor, keep your eyes on your own paper.

The most successful people aren’t worried about the competition because they’re too busy in the lab getting after their dreams. So do yourself a favor and keep your mind on your vision and your goals, after all that is our measure of success.

When I posed the question to my IG followers asking if they wanted me to do a blog post on patience, I honestly had no clue that I would get such an overwhelming response. It seems we all struggle with this elusive virtue: patience. I’ve done some research, both practical and spiritual, on this subject and I’ve found that most of us desire patience, not simply so that we can say that we are patient, but mainly because we are embarrassed by how our lack of patience surfaces in our behavior.

We are ashamed of our reaction to situations that require patience. Do you lash out at friends, your partner, colleagues, or your children when they delay your schedule or a project? Do you make irrational decisions when going through difficult or uncertain times? Maybe you have a tendency to treat people in a place of service as inferior to you if they do not meet your needs according to your schedule. 

You probably answered yes to at least one of those questions and now you’re here reading this to figure out how to stop behaving and reacting to annoying and difficult situations in the same way that you have been. I’ve put together a few practical tips on how to be more patient along with scriptures on patience to help you along in your journey to being a more patient person.

Before we get there, let’s define our terms. What is patience and in what contexts do we typically exhibit or desire to exhibit this characteristic?

A definition of terms

Patience is defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. 

The definition in itself is curious as it displays the inevitable of accepting delay, trouble or suffering with the caveat of tempering your anger. While some of us absolutely cannot accept delay, trouble or suffering, most of us struggle with accepting the delay without getting angry. 

It’s actually pretty sad if you think about it. We know that delay, trouble and suffering are bound to happen at some point or another, but when they appear most of us respond by being upset. 

Our negative attitude is certainly not going to improve the situation but, for most of us, it is the default response to delay, trouble or suffering. Delay, suffering, and hardship surface in our lives in a few different ways.

Common Areas to Show Patience

Relationships

Whether it’s a friendship, a work relationship or a romantic relationship. We’ve all been in a relationship that tests our patience.

Some people might not understand our point of view or grasp concepts that seem like common sense to us. If we allow the shortcomings or seemingly unreasonable demands of others to lose our patience, we are not helping our situation; It’s likely that we are hurting it. 

Proverbs 15:18

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension but a patient man calms a quarrel.

TIP #1: Master Empathy

Activating patience in our relationships is a skill that we can build by developing empathy, seeking to understand alternative perspectives and anticipating potential difficult behavior of the other person.

When we seek to understand other people’s perspective and empathize with their perceived shortcomings, we tend to be more patient and gentle towards that person. 

Life’s Trials

Let’s face it, sometimes life just happens. We go through things that set back our plans and goals significantly. Maybe you’ve been laid off, you’re going through a difficult season in your business or marriage, or you are just generally in a funk right now. You might be going through a high stress time with your finances or maybe you’re drowning in debt and you can’t even see the end.

These are all serious, ongoing trials that cannot be solved with a quick fix. Getting through these trials requires an enormous amount of focus and determination to control the controllables.

TIP #2: Be hopeful and persistent

I’ve found that in times of difficulty, I need to lean into my hope for the future and persevere through the present. At the end of this post, you’ll find a resource that goes deeper into these skills.

Daily Struggles

These are the little annoyances that happen everyday. They likely don’t have a major impact on the important things in life. This is when you’re stuck in traffic, when the barista gets your order wrong, the elevator is broken and you have to take the stairs. The list could go on but I think you get the picture.

TIP #3: Practice, practice, practice

I like to use the inconsequential annoyances in my life as practice for long term patience. For example, my husband tends to chew very loudly. It’s really annoying, but it isn’t going to change. I’ve been working on not getting upset by his loud chewing. It’s going well and I think it’s helping me with bigger challenges that I need to be patient with.

Response

How do you respond to your trials? Do you see them as an opportunity to flex your patience muscle? Think about it, the only way that we will  develop more patience is if we see more trials that require patience. 

Romans 5: 3-4

“ ...We exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character hope.”

We’re called to praise, celebrate or rejoice in the middle of our storms. When you push through your situation, you build character and validate your hope.

The Bible often mentions patience or perseverance alongside hope. Hope is positioned as a tool to help us get through our trials. We’re called to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and continually in prayer (Romans 12:12).

Hope

a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

TIP #4: Be Hopeful

When you’re in a situation that requires patience, what are you hoping for? Are you hoping that the person you are in conflict with will see things your way or are you hoping that you will be slow to anger and positively communicate your perspective? Are you hoping that your difficult life trial will simply go away or are you hoping that you will grow and develop your character within this situation?

There is no right answer here. The most important thing is that we have hope. Let me be clear  here, being hopeful is not the same thing as wishing for something. We don’t typically EXPECT wishes to come true. By definition, we must expect the things that we hope for.

Think about your posture when you are in expectation. For me, I imagine, sitting at the edge of my seat. I am ready for what is coming next. My energy levels are high, I'm happy about that thing that is on the other side of this trial. This mindset will automatically shift your attitude to a positive one. When your attitude is positive, you’re more likely to exhibit patience in a tough situation.

My prayer for you is that you are hopeful during your season of waiting. I pray that you would view your daily struggles and annoyances of life as an opportunity to flex your patience muscle so that when trouble inevitably comes your way - you are strong enough to wait well. I pray that you would be bold enough to hope and pray for big things in the midst of your storm, that you would be encouraged, humbled and strong in your current battle.

Go Deeper

I put together a resource to help take you a little deeper on this topic. Over the course of three days, you’ll learn about 3 principles that I’ve discovered are critical to getting through tough times: patience, hope, and perseverance. 

I’ve included verses on patience, stories and questions for your growth. My intention is that this will serve as a guide for helping you overcome challenges in your life. I want to invite you to download the guide and grow through it at your own pace. Are you in?

Hey, hey and Happy New Year! I can still say that right? January comes with renewed energy, focus and sense of purpose. The beginning of the year is a time where we are all inspired, we are betting on ourselves to achieve goals, old and new. It’s a great time of year. 

Have you set your goals for yet year? If I’m being honest, I haven’t set mine yet. I’m honestly still processing last year and I’m taking my time to sit with it. I do still feel a sense of inspiration to live better, to do better and to generally be better. I have a lot of ideas and things that I want to get accomplished and I know that I can do these things.

Some of these ideas and things that I want to achieve are old goals, unresolved resolutions, if you will. So I had to ask myself, why haven’t I accomplished or completed the things that I was once so inspired to complete?

Inspiration doesn’t get results

Inspiration only lasts for a little while. Once it wears off, it is your action that continues to carry you toward your goal. When we have fresh inspiration, we act freely and use our inspiration as the motivation to keep going. Inspiration is defined in the English dictionary as the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something. It comes from the Latin word to breathe. Once you breathe in your inspiration, you can use it as motivation, but as soon as you exhale, that breath is gone. Your inspiration is gone. So how do we continue to spur action when our inspiration evaporates?

Faith

That’s right, faith that you can achieve the goals that you have set before yourself is what will keep you going. Faith is what will sustain you when you’ve lost your breath of inspiration. It won’t be easy, in fact, if it’s worth something, it will most certainly be difficult. When that happens, keep going, smile, you’re developing spiritual stamina (James 1:2). You can pressure test your faith by asking yourself the following question: What have I done this week to get closer to my goal?

Your actions are proof that you believe

At some point, you might have people calling you crazy or telling you that it will never work. That’s fine. Keep putting in the work. Prove that you have faith. Even Jesus had haters, but he kept tending to the work that God put him on earth to do. In the same way, whatever it is that is on your heart that you want to achieve, accomplish or complete – there is a reason it is on your heart. The world likely needs it in some shape or form. Don’t give up on that. Show your faith. After all, faith without action is dead (James 2:17).

My prayer for you is that you would have big faith. I pray that you would go confidently in Jesus’ name to achieve your goals. I pray that you would have a firm WHY behind your aspirations and that you  would remember that doing the right thing is easy when you have the right reasons. I pray that you would recognize difficulties as tests to grow stronger in your faith. I pray that you would rejoice in your blessings and lean into your support system when things get hard. Remember that with God all things are possible.

Yours in progress,

Anisa-Naomi

Click here to learn how I am converting my inspiration to action and proving my faith by launching my Arbonne business.

My last blog post was about making the most of our season of cultivation and understanding the critical play it has on our blooming and producing. I mentioned that I had a goal last year to study the fruit of the spirit. Well, I am finally getting around to that. What better attribute to start with than love? Shoutout to God for perfectly aligning this inspiration with Valentine’s Day.

The reference: 1 John 4: 7-21

You can take a minute to read it if you want (or you can just read my rundown).

The Rundown

We should love others because God loved us. He expressed that love by sending His son into the world so that we could live forever. Our love for each other allows us show God to that person. We are given the Holy Spirit as verification that we walk by faith and Christ is in us. The more Christians walk out their faith, the more our love looks like God’s love. As we continue to walk by faith and show love, we have more confidence to face God at judgment day.

My Thoughts

You might be thinking, so wait, God saved me and now I have to sacrifice myself for everyone else? Precisely! Love is a fruit of the spirit and the spirit the proof of our devotion to Christ and the benefits that we received through him because of his death. So when we accept Jesus as the son of God (who is love) - love takes residence in our hearts. We receive a number of benefits when this happens (see Galatians 5:22-23). The evidence of those benefits is love.

Have you ever visited a friend’s home and every square foot of the space reflects their personality? Every room that you enter has something in it that makes you say “Oh, that’s so you”. That’s what it’s like when we’re filled with Christ and we let love take residence in our hearts. We should live as if love is within us. Every square inch of our lives should reflect Christ and His love. When we encounter others, they should be taken aback by the way we treat them and everyone around us.

Take a Step Back...

How does it make you feel to know that love is evidence of your spiritual benefits?

Think about the ways can you show love to others in your daily life?

Love causes us to show compassion for the non-believer. It enables us to encourage our fellow believers to continue to fight for the faith. It disarms hatred. And it makes zero sense to anyone who has never experienced it. That’s why it is so important that we show it off in every aspect of our lives. Every corner of your life should reflect this love, so whenever you invite someone into your space they’ll think, “Oh, that’s so God”.

My Prayer

Dear Lord - I thank you for whoever is reading this. Thank you for the gift of your love. I pray that you would give us the boldness to love like you do. I pray that you would reveal the areas of our lives where we need to show less of us and more of you. My hope is that our lives would so unapologetically represent who you are, that your presence in our lives would be undeniable. Give us humble hearts to submit to your will for our lives. Amen.

Yep, I said it.

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote by now “One day you will look back and see that all along you were blooming.” I have to disagree with this statement. We typically use it as an anchor during tough, or stagnant times. I think it’s equally important to recognize that we could very well be going through our season of cultivation, which does not necessarily equate to flourishing or blooming.

I’m a words person, so I tend to look at definitions and origins to help me understand how to use my words to speak to myself and others. We’ll look at two words: Cultivate and Bloom

---

BLOOM

/bloom/

To produce flowers

CULTIVATE

/’kelte,vat/

To prepare and use land for gardening

---

“We must cultivate, or prepare, before we can claim that we are blooming.”

— ANISA NAOMI

You’ll notice that when something is blooming, or in bloom - it is in a state of production. Meaning, that there is something to show for that particular stage of the process. Often times we try to tell ourselves that we are blooming when we are NOT seeing results. We are recognizing that to flourish and produce something of high quality, we must go through a process. However, our steps might be out of order. We must cultivate, or prepare, before we can claim that we are blooming.

I’ll use myself for an example. At the top of this year, i would have told you that 2018 was going to be my fruit bearing season. After 3, 6, now 10 months into this year,  I would say that I have not produced any fruit. From the outside looking in, it feels as if I have been spiritually stagnant. I set out to study each of the fruit of the spirit and put together a practical plan to bear each one of these respective fruit. Let’s just say that I am far from this goal.

This year has been a true test of the foundation of my faith. The Holy Spirit has tilled my soul. He has broken up my spiritual soil to reveal a fresh heart, ready and willing to receive the seeds of the fruit of the spirit. There were times where I felt inadequate, incapable and unworthy to be responsible for the blessings that God was sending my way. I wanted more than anything to run from them and leave the responsibility to someone older or more experienced. But I stayed. And I prayed.

I prayed that God would give me the humble confidence to rely on the holy spirit to carry me through this season of my life. And during this time I was telling myself that I was blooming and that one day I would look up and I would be flourishing. As if a garden goes from being completely barren to being filled with thriving flowers. No. That’s not how it works. So I’ve accepted the fact that 2018 was a year of preparation. I’ve accepted that 2019 very well might be the same and that I’m not in control of when I bloom. But what I do know is this, that when I blossom - it will be overtly evident to anyone that I come in contact with, that the spirit is in full bloom within my soul.

MY PRAYER FOR YOU…

My prayer for you is this, that you would recognize when the holy spirit is preparing you for your season of bloom. I pray that you will accept the cultivation as a necessary part of the process. I pray that you are reminded that God is always working on you and he has you exactly where he needs you in order to impact his kingdom the way that he created you to. Don’t run from the blessings he sends your way because you lack the credentials or the know-how. Be humbly confident in the power of the holy spirit and trust that where you are incapable, he is capable beyond measure.

Yours in progress,

Anisa Naomi

Photo by @tha_realjordan

It is a bold claim to guarantee satisfaction. In fact, it is so bold that you rarely see a company advertising blanket satisfaction. The statement is typically followed by a disclaimer. It is difficult to live up to a satisfaction guarantee because we, as humans, are insatiable.

I sometimes wonder why it seems like regardless of what I do, I seem to be discontent. I want more out of my career. I want more out of myself. I want more out of others. Sometimes, I even want more out of God.

The interesting thing is that I  do get more. I get more out of myself when I push my limits. I get more out of others when I communicate my expectations. And there is no doubt that God continues to bless me as I walk through life. So why is it that I still feel that I need something?

It’s in our nature, we always want more. The main reason for this is that we believe that the things of this world – self, relationships, and careers – will ultimately satisfy us. We’re thirsty for more and are drawing our water from an earthly well and expecting to be fulfilled. When Jesus met with the women at the well he told her “everyone who drinks from this well will thirst again” (John 4:13). Essentially, if we are seeking satisfaction from society’s well of success, we will always be coming back for more.

Jesus goes on to say that “whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again” (John 4:14). It’s important to know that God intentionally designed us with a seemingly insatiable desire for more. It is a desire that only he can fill.

I used to think that once I accepted Christ into my heart that I would always be good. That my desires would be met by God and that I would never go through periods of feeling inadequate, thirsty, or wanting more. The truth is I feel inadequate often. I continue to desire more. Lately, I’ve been questioning my motives. What’s driving the pursuit of my goals? I can honestly say that I am using an earthly measure of success and expecting God to deliver on it. I have not asked God to align my desires with His will, in fact, I’m asking that He align his will with my desires.

I say all of this to say that sometimes we experience a spiritual dehydration. Amidst that spiritual dehydration, it is easy to return to an earthly well to quench our thirst. We’ll seek affirmation in our career. We’ll expect friends or significant others to pick us up because we’re down. We might return to bad habits that have proven satisfying in the past. While each of these scenarios might not be detrimental if you put them in a silo, the harm comes when we pursue these things with the same expectation of satisfaction that comes from the Living Water. Our motivation to relentlessly pursue more must align with what God has for us. It’s OK to want more, but whatever your “more” is, make sure it is coming from God; after all satisfaction in Him is the only guarantee.

Do you remember the last time someone let you down? Maybe it was a friend or family member. Maybe it was a co-worker or a boss. Maybe it was you. Being let down is not a great feeling.

Often letdowns and disappointment stem from expectations that we set based on our own personal perspective, or context. Each person has their own unique context, which is built from a number of different elements.

The Root of Disappointment

Our context could be a result of our family construct, our childhood, our socio-economic status, our friend-circle, our habits and hobbies; the list goes on. Essentially our personal context is just about as unique as we are. Naturally, when dealing with others, we tend to set expectations for others within the context of our lives. We are interested in how this person can serve our needs. Whether we know it or not, most of us go through our lives making decisions based on self, or ego.

When I say ego, I do not mean pride or even selfishness. When I say ego, I am taking it back to the Latin term, ego, which is the pronoun “I”. Stay with me. We naturally see the world in terms of I. For example, nine times out of ten, when I meet you, I am more concerned with how you can improve upon my I. This is ego.

Our ego-centered attitude is a recipe for let down. A friend could let us down because they fail to communicate in a way that works for us. A co-worker can let us down because their focus and standards are not lined up with our own focus and standards. A significant other can let us down because they don’t display care for us in a way that we fully comprehend. There are a number of ways that we could be brought into a state of disappointment.

Our natural reaction when others let us down is to point out all of the things that they failed to do. Taking it a step further, we point out all that they failed to do for us or for “I”. We set standards within the context of self and pick others apart for not meeting our standards. I’ve been trying to remind myself that others have their own contexts and to offer people grace in situations where they might not meet my expectations.

Extending Grace in spite of Disappointment

One thing that makes it easier for me to offer others grace is to remind myself that people were created in God’s image. My friends, family, boyfriend, co-workers, etc were not put on this earth to meet my needs.  We were created by God, for God. I cannot control if others live up to my expectations, but I can get in the habit of seeing the God in them.

A few things happen when I practice seeing God in others:

1. I am more humble in my reaction to disappointments. I try to come from a place of patience with a desire to understand where the disconnect happened.

2. I engage in fact-based conversation. Rather than pointing out all of the flaws and validating my disappointment, I go through a timeline of what happened, how I feel and what made me feel that way.

3. I gain insight on that person’s context. Remember when I said that we set expectations within the context of self? Well here’s the part where you get to learn a little bit about someone else’s context.

The Takeaway

The tricky thing is staying consistent with seeing God in humanity. The moment you stop seeing God in people is the same moment that you can only see flaw-filled humanity. So the next time you find yourself disappointed by a friend or loved one. Take a minute to step outside of your own context and practice seeing the God in them. Give a little grace. You’ll have less disappointment and you’ll improve some relationships along the way.

Last year was a year of serious growth for me. I matured in my personal and professional life; most importantly, I grew my relationship with God. I attribute that growth to a couple of things, the main one is that God tugged on my heart and sought my face in such an intense manner that I spent time with him even when I didn’t have a distinct desire to do so. Another reason for this growth was my intentional decision to start each day with an attitude of gratitude.

I literally started counting my blessings. I thanked God for the morning sun, the chirping birds, coffee, bubble baths, wine, my mom, my dad, my nephews, my brothers, my sister, and my brother-in-law. I thanked God for my job, for my check, for my apartment, my groceries, my roommate, my car. I thanked God for my co-workers, my old friends, my new friends, my best friends, and my boyfriend.

I approached every situation with an unreal, and initially insincere, amount of gratitude. My philosophy was, and still is, fake it ‘til you make it. As you fake gratitude – or whatever new mindset or attitude you wish to achieve, you start to train yourself and even trick yourself into actually being grateful and adopting that new mindset. By taking the simple step of actively thanking God for what He has provided for me, I significantly increased my quality of life. Here’s what I learned when I adopted an attitude of gratitude:

Lesson #1: You have way more than you think you do

It’s interesting, when I started actively thanking God for my blessings, I realized, I was mostly thankful for intangibles or naturals. Meaning I was thankful for the birds and the sun. I was thankful for that feeling you get when you check everything off of your to-do list. I was thankful for my senses – the ability to smell and see everything that God has created. 

Lesson #2: We take a lot for granted

Some things started to pop up that I might have initially been extremely grateful for, but as time went on and novelty wore off, I began to take them for granted. Things like my car, my laptop, my apartment, my job, etc. I started to see the flaws and hassle that comes with maintaining all of these things and found myself complaining about the work that came with my blessings. When I intentionally shifted my focus to be grateful for these things, I recognized every segment of my life that these items affected.

I have a car to get me from point A to point B, I have a laptop that allows me to share my voice on my own platform, I have a place to call home and a job that provides me with the ability to live comfortably.

The next time you start to complain about getting an oil change or how slow your computer is running, stop and shift into an attitude of gratefulness. Before you go off about your apartment management or complain about your job remember that you have a place to call home and the means to provide for yourself.

Lesson #3: By training my heart to be thankful, I made room for God

God enjoys a grateful heart. The more I turn my heart towards thanking Him, the more I noticed Him taking up residence in my heart. God’s will is for us to be thankful in every situation, to find the sunshine in the rain. When we make it a point to do that, He wants to dwell in us and when He dwells in us we reach the pinnacle of peace in whatever situation we are facing.

It is safe to say that shifting my focus to be grateful within my circumstances has immensely changed my way of thinking. I’ve learned to see the blessing when I’m tempted to complain. I’ve learned to wonder at everyday things, I’ve learned to take joy in the song of a bird and the rays of the sun. I have taught my heart to be grateful and furnished it to be a fit place for my KING to reside in. I have discovered an indescribable level of peace that comes with resting in the presence of my all-sufficient God who blesses me in ways that I sometimes fail to notice.

So the next time you find yourself wanting to complain, do yourself a favor and start counting your blessings. I promise you, it’ll change ya life ;)

Freedom (noun) – the power of self-determination attributed to the will; the quality of being independent of fate or necessity.

Photographed by @tha_realjordan

We all want freedom. Whether it be financial freedom, emotional freedom or freedom from a bad habit that prevents you from achieving your goals, we all have the desire to exist in a state where we are not tied down by an external source. Freedom is a right, not a privilege. Personally, I desire freedom from my circumstances. I want nothing more than to live a life where I am mentally and emotionally unaffected by my circumstances. I want to be at a place where, regardless of my circumstances, I maintain a level of joy and positivity that is unshakable.

I believe that in order to achieve this state, one must find enough value of self to pursue that freedom relentlessly. We must believe that we deserve freedom from whatever is holding us back. For me, I was the very person/thing that was holding me back from pursuing my dream. I failed to execute on my goals out of fear. That fear stemmed from a lack of self-value. It was not until I recognized my true value that I realized that I deserve the freedom that I desire.

So, why do I desire freedom from my circumstances? I went for years letting life happen to me instead of manipulating my life to fit what I wanted. The problem is, that when you live like this, you are always behind. Again, I did not recognize that I deserved more from my life than I was getting. Once I made the decision to live independent of my circumstances, my quality of life significantly increased. The sun shined a little brighter, the birds chirping in the morning was a little sweeter, I found myself expressing gratitude for the smallest things. Don’t get me wrong, this type of freedom doesn’t come easy, it is something that is practiced. As I improve my practice of freedom, I plan to share my observations and insights in order to, hopefully, help someone discover their own freedom.