Photo by @tha_realjordan

It is a bold claim to guarantee satisfaction. In fact, it is so bold that you rarely see a company advertising blanket satisfaction. The statement is typically followed by a disclaimer. It is difficult to live up to a satisfaction guarantee because we, as humans, are insatiable.

I sometimes wonder why it seems like regardless of what I do, I seem to be discontent. I want more out of my career. I want more out of myself. I want more out of others. Sometimes, I even want more out of God.

The interesting thing is that I  do get more. I get more out of myself when I push my limits. I get more out of others when I communicate my expectations. And there is no doubt that God continues to bless me as I walk through life. So why is it that I still feel that I need something?

It’s in our nature, we always want more. The main reason for this is that we believe that the things of this world – self, relationships, and careers – will ultimately satisfy us. We’re thirsty for more and are drawing our water from an earthly well and expecting to be fulfilled. When Jesus met with the women at the well he told her “everyone who drinks from this well will thirst again” (John 4:13). Essentially, if we are seeking satisfaction from society’s well of success, we will always be coming back for more.

Jesus goes on to say that “whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again” (John 4:14). It’s important to know that God intentionally designed us with a seemingly insatiable desire for more. It is a desire that only he can fill.

I used to think that once I accepted Christ into my heart that I would always be good. That my desires would be met by God and that I would never go through periods of feeling inadequate, thirsty, or wanting more. The truth is I feel inadequate often. I continue to desire more. Lately, I’ve been questioning my motives. What’s driving the pursuit of my goals? I can honestly say that I am using an earthly measure of success and expecting God to deliver on it. I have not asked God to align my desires with His will, in fact, I’m asking that He align his will with my desires.

I say all of this to say that sometimes we experience a spiritual dehydration. Amidst that spiritual dehydration, it is easy to return to an earthly well to quench our thirst. We’ll seek affirmation in our career. We’ll expect friends or significant others to pick us up because we’re down. We might return to bad habits that have proven satisfying in the past. While each of these scenarios might not be detrimental if you put them in a silo, the harm comes when we pursue these things with the same expectation of satisfaction that comes from the Living Water. Our motivation to relentlessly pursue more must align with what God has for us. It’s OK to want more, but whatever your “more” is, make sure it is coming from God; after all satisfaction in Him is the only guarantee.

Do you remember the last time someone let you down? Maybe it was a friend or family member. Maybe it was a co-worker or a boss. Maybe it was you. Being let down is not a great feeling.

Often letdowns and disappointment stem from expectations that we set based on our own personal perspective, or context. Each person has their own unique context, which is built from a number of different elements.

The Root of Disappointment

Our context could be a result of our family construct, our childhood, our socio-economic status, our friend-circle, our habits and hobbies; the list goes on. Essentially our personal context is just about as unique as we are. Naturally, when dealing with others, we tend to set expectations for others within the context of our lives. We are interested in how this person can serve our needs. Whether we know it or not, most of us go through our lives making decisions based on self, or ego.

When I say ego, I do not mean pride or even selfishness. When I say ego, I am taking it back to the Latin term, ego, which is the pronoun “I”. Stay with me. We naturally see the world in terms of I. For example, nine times out of ten, when I meet you, I am more concerned with how you can improve upon my I. This is ego.

Our ego-centered attitude is a recipe for let down. A friend could let us down because they fail to communicate in a way that works for us. A co-worker can let us down because their focus and standards are not lined up with our own focus and standards. A significant other can let us down because they don’t display care for us in a way that we fully comprehend. There are a number of ways that we could be brought into a state of disappointment.

Our natural reaction when others let us down is to point out all of the things that they failed to do. Taking it a step further, we point out all that they failed to do for us or for “I”. We set standards within the context of self and pick others apart for not meeting our standards. I’ve been trying to remind myself that others have their own contexts and to offer people grace in situations where they might not meet my expectations.

Extending Grace in spite of Disappointment

One thing that makes it easier for me to offer others grace is to remind myself that people were created in God’s image. My friends, family, boyfriend, co-workers, etc were not put on this earth to meet my needs.  We were created by God, for God. I cannot control if others live up to my expectations, but I can get in the habit of seeing the God in them.

A few things happen when I practice seeing God in others:

1. I am more humble in my reaction to disappointments. I try to come from a place of patience with a desire to understand where the disconnect happened.

2. I engage in fact-based conversation. Rather than pointing out all of the flaws and validating my disappointment, I go through a timeline of what happened, how I feel and what made me feel that way.

3. I gain insight on that person’s context. Remember when I said that we set expectations within the context of self? Well here’s the part where you get to learn a little bit about someone else’s context.

The Takeaway

The tricky thing is staying consistent with seeing God in humanity. The moment you stop seeing God in people is the same moment that you can only see flaw-filled humanity. So the next time you find yourself disappointed by a friend or loved one. Take a minute to step outside of your own context and practice seeing the God in them. Give a little grace. You’ll have less disappointment and you’ll improve some relationships along the way.

Last year was a year of serious growth for me. I matured in my personal and professional life; most importantly, I grew my relationship with God. I attribute that growth to a couple of things, the main one is that God tugged on my heart and sought my face in such an intense manner that I spent time with him even when I didn’t have a distinct desire to do so. Another reason for this growth was my intentional decision to start each day with an attitude of gratitude.

I literally started counting my blessings. I thanked God for the morning sun, the chirping birds, coffee, bubble baths, wine, my mom, my dad, my nephews, my brothers, my sister, and my brother-in-law. I thanked God for my job, for my check, for my apartment, my groceries, my roommate, my car. I thanked God for my co-workers, my old friends, my new friends, my best friends, and my boyfriend.

I approached every situation with an unreal, and initially insincere, amount of gratitude. My philosophy was, and still is, fake it ‘til you make it. As you fake gratitude – or whatever new mindset or attitude you wish to achieve, you start to train yourself and even trick yourself into actually being grateful and adopting that new mindset. By taking the simple step of actively thanking God for what He has provided for me, I significantly increased my quality of life. Here’s what I learned when I adopted an attitude of gratitude:

Lesson #1: You have way more than you think you do

It’s interesting, when I started actively thanking God for my blessings, I realized, I was mostly thankful for intangibles or naturals. Meaning I was thankful for the birds and the sun. I was thankful for that feeling you get when you check everything off of your to-do list. I was thankful for my senses – the ability to smell and see everything that God has created. 

Lesson #2: We take a lot for granted

Some things started to pop up that I might have initially been extremely grateful for, but as time went on and novelty wore off, I began to take them for granted. Things like my car, my laptop, my apartment, my job, etc. I started to see the flaws and hassle that comes with maintaining all of these things and found myself complaining about the work that came with my blessings. When I intentionally shifted my focus to be grateful for these things, I recognized every segment of my life that these items affected.

I have a car to get me from point A to point B, I have a laptop that allows me to share my voice on my own platform, I have a place to call home and a job that provides me with the ability to live comfortably.

The next time you start to complain about getting an oil change or how slow your computer is running, stop and shift into an attitude of gratefulness. Before you go off about your apartment management or complain about your job remember that you have a place to call home and the means to provide for yourself.

Lesson #3: By training my heart to be thankful, I made room for God

God enjoys a grateful heart. The more I turn my heart towards thanking Him, the more I noticed Him taking up residence in my heart. God’s will is for us to be thankful in every situation, to find the sunshine in the rain. When we make it a point to do that, He wants to dwell in us and when He dwells in us we reach the pinnacle of peace in whatever situation we are facing.

It is safe to say that shifting my focus to be grateful within my circumstances has immensely changed my way of thinking. I’ve learned to see the blessing when I’m tempted to complain. I’ve learned to wonder at everyday things, I’ve learned to take joy in the song of a bird and the rays of the sun. I have taught my heart to be grateful and furnished it to be a fit place for my KING to reside in. I have discovered an indescribable level of peace that comes with resting in the presence of my all-sufficient God who blesses me in ways that I sometimes fail to notice.

So the next time you find yourself wanting to complain, do yourself a favor and start counting your blessings. I promise you, it’ll change ya life ;)