Do you remember the last time someone let you down? Maybe it was a friend or family member. Maybe it was a co-worker or a boss. Maybe it was you. Being let down is not a great feeling.
Often letdowns and disappointment stem from expectations that we set based on our own personal perspective, or context. Each person has their own unique context, which is built from a number of different elements.
The Root of Disappointment
Our context could be a result of our family construct, our childhood, our socio-economic status, our friend-circle, our habits and hobbies; the list goes on. Essentially our personal context is just about as unique as we are. Naturally, when dealing with others, we tend to set expectations for others within the context of our lives. We are interested in how this person can serve our needs. Whether we know it or not, most of us go through our lives making decisions based on self, or ego.
When I say ego, I do not mean pride or even selfishness. When I say ego, I am taking it back to the Latin term, ego, which is the pronoun “I”. Stay with me. We naturally see the world in terms of I. For example, nine times out of ten, when I meet you, I am more concerned with how you can improve upon my I. This is ego.
Our ego-centered attitude is a recipe for let down. A friend could let us down because they fail to communicate in a way that works for us. A co-worker can let us down because their focus and standards are not lined up with our own focus and standards. A significant other can let us down because they don’t display care for us in a way that we fully comprehend. There are a number of ways that we could be brought into a state of disappointment.
Our natural reaction when others let us down is to point out all of the things that they failed to do. Taking it a step further, we point out all that they failed to do for us or for “I”. We set standards within the context of self and pick others apart for not meeting our standards. I’ve been trying to remind myself that others have their own contexts and to offer people grace in situations where they might not meet my expectations.
Extending Grace in spite of Disappointment
One thing that makes it easier for me to offer others grace is to remind myself that people were created in God’s image. My friends, family, boyfriend, co-workers, etc were not put on this earth to meet my needs. We were created by God, for God. I cannot control if others live up to my expectations, but I can get in the habit of seeing the God in them.
A few things happen when I practice seeing God in others:
I am more humble in my reaction to disappointments. I try to come from a place of patience with a desire to understand where the disconnect happened.
I engage in fact-based conversation. Rather than pointing out all of the flaws and validating my disappointment, I go through a timeline of what happened, how I feel and what made me feel that way.
I gain insight on that person’s context. Remember when I said that we set expectations within the context of self? Well here’s the part where you get to learn a little bit about someone else’s context.
The Takeaway
The tricky thing is staying consistent with seeing God in humanity. The moment you stop seeing God in people is the same moment that you can only see flaw-filled humanity. So the next time you find yourself disappointed by a friend or loved one. Take a minute to step outside of your own context and practice seeing the God in them. Give a little grace. You’ll have less disappointment and you’ll improve some relationships along the way.