So I used to have a big comparison problem. In anything I did, I set out to be like someone else. Whether it was my style, my athletic endeavors, school, anything… I was always trying to be like someone else. I would always get frustrated when the dress didn’t look as good on me or my hair didn’t fall like hers. I hated not being able to do things just like the person that I viewed as successful. 

I ended up being miserable and having a negative view about my capabilities because I was always trying to live up to what someone else was doing. I’ve since seen the light and avoid comparing at all costs, I’m just trying to run my own race and go after my goals. Let’s chat about the comparison trap and why you need to avoid it at all costs.

Comparison is the thief of joy. This is a tried and true quote that has become more popular especially with the prevalence of social media. I find that when I compare myself to others, I am left feeling uninspired and inadequate. It’s obvious why, I am comparing my unique self and what I produce to another unique human and what they produce. I can’t possibly feel adequate because we are working with different talents, personalities, styles, different everything really.

I always love hearing about older generations’ path to success. It’s the “built in the garage” mentality. When you think about Jeff Bezos or Walt Disney building something in their garage, you envision someone hunched over their work trying time and time again to make their vision, their dream, a reality. They weren’t going out of their way to see what other people were doing, they were focused on their vision.

Even Paul (the Apostle)  knew that comparison was detrimental to success. Check out this verse:

“Pay careful attention to your own work, then you will get satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else” Galatians 6:4 NLT

Pay attention to your own work, THEN you will get satisfaction of a job well done. If you’re feeling dissatisfaction in what you’re producing, it is likely directly related to the fact that you’re paying attention to the wrong thing. Do yourself a favor, keep your eyes on your own paper.

The most successful people aren’t worried about the competition because they’re too busy in the lab getting after their dreams. So do yourself a favor and keep your mind on your vision and your goals, after all that is our measure of success.

When I posed the question to my IG followers asking if they wanted me to do a blog post on patience, I honestly had no clue that I would get such an overwhelming response. It seems we all struggle with this elusive virtue: patience. I’ve done some research, both practical and spiritual, on this subject and I’ve found that most of us desire patience, not simply so that we can say that we are patient, but mainly because we are embarrassed by how our lack of patience surfaces in our behavior.

We are ashamed of our reaction to situations that require patience. Do you lash out at friends, your partner, colleagues, or your children when they delay your schedule or a project? Do you make irrational decisions when going through difficult or uncertain times? Maybe you have a tendency to treat people in a place of service as inferior to you if they do not meet your needs according to your schedule. 

You probably answered yes to at least one of those questions and now you’re here reading this to figure out how to stop behaving and reacting to annoying and difficult situations in the same way that you have been. I’ve put together a few practical tips on how to be more patient along with scriptures on patience to help you along in your journey to being a more patient person.

Before we get there, let’s define our terms. What is patience and in what contexts do we typically exhibit or desire to exhibit this characteristic?

A definition of terms

Patience is defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. 

The definition in itself is curious as it displays the inevitable of accepting delay, trouble or suffering with the caveat of tempering your anger. While some of us absolutely cannot accept delay, trouble or suffering, most of us struggle with accepting the delay without getting angry. 

It’s actually pretty sad if you think about it. We know that delay, trouble and suffering are bound to happen at some point or another, but when they appear most of us respond by being upset. 

Our negative attitude is certainly not going to improve the situation but, for most of us, it is the default response to delay, trouble or suffering. Delay, suffering, and hardship surface in our lives in a few different ways.

Common Areas to Show Patience

Relationships

Whether it’s a friendship, a work relationship or a romantic relationship. We’ve all been in a relationship that tests our patience.

Some people might not understand our point of view or grasp concepts that seem like common sense to us. If we allow the shortcomings or seemingly unreasonable demands of others to lose our patience, we are not helping our situation; It’s likely that we are hurting it. 

Proverbs 15:18

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension but a patient man calms a quarrel.

TIP #1: Master Empathy

Activating patience in our relationships is a skill that we can build by developing empathy, seeking to understand alternative perspectives and anticipating potential difficult behavior of the other person.

When we seek to understand other people’s perspective and empathize with their perceived shortcomings, we tend to be more patient and gentle towards that person. 

Life’s Trials

Let’s face it, sometimes life just happens. We go through things that set back our plans and goals significantly. Maybe you’ve been laid off, you’re going through a difficult season in your business or marriage, or you are just generally in a funk right now. You might be going through a high stress time with your finances or maybe you’re drowning in debt and you can’t even see the end.

These are all serious, ongoing trials that cannot be solved with a quick fix. Getting through these trials requires an enormous amount of focus and determination to control the controllables.

TIP #2: Be hopeful and persistent

I’ve found that in times of difficulty, I need to lean into my hope for the future and persevere through the present. At the end of this post, you’ll find a resource that goes deeper into these skills.

Daily Struggles

These are the little annoyances that happen everyday. They likely don’t have a major impact on the important things in life. This is when you’re stuck in traffic, when the barista gets your order wrong, the elevator is broken and you have to take the stairs. The list could go on but I think you get the picture.

TIP #3: Practice, practice, practice

I like to use the inconsequential annoyances in my life as practice for long term patience. For example, my husband tends to chew very loudly. It’s really annoying, but it isn’t going to change. I’ve been working on not getting upset by his loud chewing. It’s going well and I think it’s helping me with bigger challenges that I need to be patient with.

Response

How do you respond to your trials? Do you see them as an opportunity to flex your patience muscle? Think about it, the only way that we will  develop more patience is if we see more trials that require patience. 

Romans 5: 3-4

“ ...We exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character hope.”

We’re called to praise, celebrate or rejoice in the middle of our storms. When you push through your situation, you build character and validate your hope.

The Bible often mentions patience or perseverance alongside hope. Hope is positioned as a tool to help us get through our trials. We’re called to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and continually in prayer (Romans 12:12).

Hope

a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

TIP #4: Be Hopeful

When you’re in a situation that requires patience, what are you hoping for? Are you hoping that the person you are in conflict with will see things your way or are you hoping that you will be slow to anger and positively communicate your perspective? Are you hoping that your difficult life trial will simply go away or are you hoping that you will grow and develop your character within this situation?

There is no right answer here. The most important thing is that we have hope. Let me be clear  here, being hopeful is not the same thing as wishing for something. We don’t typically EXPECT wishes to come true. By definition, we must expect the things that we hope for.

Think about your posture when you are in expectation. For me, I imagine, sitting at the edge of my seat. I am ready for what is coming next. My energy levels are high, I'm happy about that thing that is on the other side of this trial. This mindset will automatically shift your attitude to a positive one. When your attitude is positive, you’re more likely to exhibit patience in a tough situation.

My prayer for you is that you are hopeful during your season of waiting. I pray that you would view your daily struggles and annoyances of life as an opportunity to flex your patience muscle so that when trouble inevitably comes your way - you are strong enough to wait well. I pray that you would be bold enough to hope and pray for big things in the midst of your storm, that you would be encouraged, humbled and strong in your current battle.

Go Deeper

I put together a resource to help take you a little deeper on this topic. Over the course of three days, you’ll learn about 3 principles that I’ve discovered are critical to getting through tough times: patience, hope, and perseverance. 

I’ve included verses on patience, stories and questions for your growth. My intention is that this will serve as a guide for helping you overcome challenges in your life. I want to invite you to download the guide and grow through it at your own pace. Are you in?