The Power of Vulnerability
Connection
With the prevalence of social media, it is easy to lose sight of the true meaning of connection. We follow someone’s timeline on FaceBook, Instagram, or Twitter and we translate this as connection. We feel as though we know someone based on the perfectly constructed posts that they share online.
We are connected to the point that we don’t even have to have a conversation with friends or associates to know details of their life from their most recent vacation to what they ate for dinner last night – it is easy to be informed about others, thus giving us a feeling of connectivity. Between Snapchat stories and FaceBook Live, we are almost hyper connected.
Human beings place a high value on connection. Studies show that human connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives. That is why most people use their social media platforms to voice their opinions. When you start a conversation via social media, you create a community where you feel like you belong, thus giving you a sense of connection.
Fear of Connection
Photographed by @tha_realjordan
Despite this sense of connection through social media, when it comes to connecting and creating relationships, we seem to fear the very thing that causes genuine connection: vulnerability. When we have the opportunity to share our opinion or tell our story during a face-to-face interaction, we are less likely to engage than we would if given the opportunity to share from behind a screen. This lack of engagement can be explained by fear. Fear of what? Fear of rejection, pain, heartache, or loneliness, to name a few.
This led me to ask: in a world where we are hyper-connected, why are we so fearful of true connection? The answer can be summed up in this: we are fearful of true connection because it requires vulnerability. In order to be put in a position to experience genuine human connection, we must risk rejection, pain and heartache.
Dealing with Vulnerability
The fear of vulnerability should come as no surprise; the word literally means “susceptible to being wounded”. It is natural to avoid anything that could result in hurt or pain. Let’s take a look at how society deals with vulnerability. You’ve probably felt it before, it usually happens in romantic relationships. There is this moment where you share a past experience or opinion and you know that the reaction of the person with whom you are sharing will dictate the course that your relationship will take.
I believe that we have been conditioned to make these moments happen as few and far between as possible. Once these moments happen, we leave ourselves in a position to experience hurt or pain, which may lead to disconnection. We have become comfortable with coping with the fear of vulnerability by distracting ourselves with alcohol, food, and even exercise. We use these as outlets to avoid the uncomfortable situations that leave us susceptible to being wounded.
We teach our minds to numb vulnerability. We numb any negative feelings by becoming disengaged and focusing our energy elsewhere. The problem with training our brain to numb negative emotions is that, as a result, we also numb positive emotions. This causes us to become comfortable living a miserable, disconnected life.
When we get comfortable in our misery or unhappiness, we start to believe that this is the way things should be. We continue to avoid connection and miss out on purpose and meaning. It is safe to say that we succumb to our fear of vulnerability because we do not put a high enough value on our worthiness of purpose and meaning.
The Solution
In order to fully experience the benefits of connection, we must first fully embrace the need for vulnerability and acknowledge its power. We can embrace vulnerability with a few practical steps:
1. Let yourself be seen – Have the courage to be authentic and don’t be afraid to be your true, authentic self
2. Love yourself and others wholeheartedly – accept who you are, just where you are today. Give others the same respect to know that they too are a work in progress
3. Practice gratitude and joy – despite our circumstances, there is always something to be thankful for, don’t lose sight of what that is
4. Remember that you are worth it – you deserve to experience a sense of belonging and purpose, so take a risk in being vulnerable to tap into your reward of connectivity, purpose and belonging.